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TweedleDee06
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Name: Heidi "Dee"
Birthday: 8/27/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: naps, hot chocolate, christmas, cheering, wifebeaters (the shirt not the person), pierre, following edrienna m. down the hallways during school, and hiding behind the occasional freshman or coke machine
Occupation: Retired
Industry: Banking/Finance
Message: message me
AIM:  HeidiHamster
MSN: DeeFoxy0688
Member Since:
4/23/2004
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| pah. sitting here in the computer lab sandwiched between two of my
favorite people. amanda and andy. andy doesnt know who edrienna is. its
really sad. i need to go pick up my brother but i dont want to.
i am so sick of driving. i filled out the hope online today. hopefully
this is the end of filling out all forms for free money. EVER! no more
forms. one more and i am going to shave my head. i hate my life.
pah. i am so sick of driving. really, truly sick of driving. TWO DAYS
TILL BEACH BABY. no more fat. i was going to succumb to soda today, but
god had other plans for me. the soda machine was out of dr. pepper.
well i gotta go pick up minkus. yuck.
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| oh wow. how can i put into words what a giant loser i am? i am sitting
here in the computer lab, playing sudoko and singing rent in my head.
if you really want to, you can chalk my whole weekend up to that, minus the sudoku.
um basically, friday: family stuff, primarily exsisting of me sitting in my room and writing angry journal entries, saturday: did go out to dinner with carah j, anthony, mocha, pants, and mandy, sunday: sat in my room, played rent on my ipod, lit a bunch of candles, and cried for four hours, monday: my dad's really amazing and nice girlfriend took me shopping and bought me my prom dress...
ughh. my life feels so void and meaningless. i feel like i am looking
for something, and I can't find it, my dreams at night have been so
cold and empty, just dark and when i wake up, i feel emptier than
before, and i am longing for this fulfiillment. i feel like there
is a hole in my heart that God has yet to fill or is filling slowly. i
dont know what i need and I feel so lost right now. there has been so
many problems this year, and to be honest, i dont feel any stronger for
what i have been dealing with. i feel like a failure, like i have given
into a bad depressive state. if people knew, really knew what i
thought, i honestly believe i would have no friends. i feel like such a
bad person. i just keep trying to take solace in the fact that God can
and will give me this completeness. i just wish it was now instead of
later.
*sigh* i guess there things that no amount of love can fix.
without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash, the crowds roar, the
days soar, the babies cry, without you, the moon glows, the river flows, but I die
without you, without you, the eyes gaze, the legs walk, the lungs breathe, the mind
churns, the heart years, tears dry, life goes on, but I'm gone, cause I die...without
you..
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| i know now, officially that i have hit rock bottom. already thanks to
massive amounts of fat consumed this weekend due to brotheres birthday
and minor run in with a dessert fondue plate. bah. and now, in
persuance of a cat nap on a breezy spring day, i now look like a GIANT
FAT LOBSTER!!! PAH....
but this weekend rocked, i hope you all had fun at nathan beaver, i envy you. very much.
i cant wait to go to college.
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| XANGA IS UP!! YA BABY!!
school still stinks. when are we going to graduate???
everyone is going through so much right now..what is this? why is
so much bad going on right now. I just dont understand all of it. I
know that God has plans for all of this and for all of us, but it is so
hard. seriously hard.
i dont know, its like everything has changed. I am in this weird
medium where I am not an adult, but not a child. I can't go from one to
the next. It feels so weird. sometimes my parents are okay with me
going out and other times they smoother me back in like a little kid. I
feel good that they care, but it's just so weird.
I have been really moody lately too. I am sorry everyone I am trying to change.
especially, you karl. I am so sorry. I want to be the girlfriend
that you deserve. I want to be smarter, funnier, prettier, skinnier,
just a better person. I am so thankful to God that he blessed me with
you and with our relationship. You have been my rock these past few
months, and I love you so much. I do. I love you. I LOVE YOU. and I
will try to be what you deserve.
God, thank you for all the blessings
in my life. I know that I should not get caught up in emotions or
feelings of this world, for they are fleeting God, but you, my majestic
maker is eternal. Thank you for giving me my family and friends. My
blessings in life have been infinite. I know that everything that has
been going on is planned. You are here God, in our school, walking our
halls, living in our souls. Thank you for that. Thank you for this
school and the spiritual life force it is founded on. You are amazing
God. Your friendship is intimate. Your love is extravagent. I am your
daughter forever. Thank you. thank you thank you, my molder, my
creator, my friend, my father. Amen.
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| i hate school. when are we going to graduate??
oh yea, did i mention that I HATE SCHOOL? | | |
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"I don't think there is anything worse then being ordinary" "it's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to suprise yourself. it makes you wonder what else you've forgotten about." "When you see something like that, it's like God is looking right back at you, just for a second, and if you're careful, you can look right back." "It's hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world, sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a ballon that is about to burst. and then I remember, to relax, and not try to hold on to it.
